


In the Spring

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s03e08 The Women of Qumar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-02-09
Updated: 2004-02-09
Packaged: 2019-05-31 03:22:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15110771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: It's been over 10 years and I still cry over it.  Still havenightmares, too.  And something tells me that'll always be the same."





	In the Spring

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**In the Spring**

**by:** Kasey 

**Character(s):** CJ, Toby  
**Pairing(s):** None.   
**Category(s):** EvilCJFic   
**Rating:** TEEN for reference to very serious, violent subjects  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own 'em, don't claim to, don't sue me please.  
**Summary:** "It's been over 10 years and I still cry over it. Still have nightmares, too. And something tells me that'll always be the same."  
**Spoiler:** Post Ep The Women of Qumar  
**Written:** 11/29/2001  


Why'd he have to do that?

I was doing just fine until I made eye contact - doing my briefing like the pro that I am and then he goes and-...With the hands over the heart and I-...

I could kill him sometimes. Made me almost lose it right there in the press room.

'Cept he's the only person who knows and doesn't think I'm nuts, and I know as soon as I get to his office, he's gonna hug me and mutter some uncharacteristically sweet words while I cry.

It's been over 10 years and I still cry over it. Still have the nightmares, too. And something tells me that'll always be the same.

Oh, C'mon, it's not like those nightmares are every night. Just when something reminds me.

I'm not even gonna try and sleep tonight.

Toby wouldn't even know except it was him I crawled to. God, I must've been a sight in that torn flowered dress. My mother bought me that dress for Christmas - it was a nice dress for spring and to sight-see in...Comfortable yet nice-looking...Casual enough to just wear whenever.

There are some things that always amaze me about the spring. Like how there can be so much life...when you want to die. Like how the sunshine's so bright during the day...but the nights can be darker than anything.

Like how the days can be so warm and inviting...and the nights so cold and terrifying.

Or maybe Spring is just those things for me.

At the time, I had exactly two friends in all of NYC - an old roommmate of mine from college, and Toby. My roomie and I had gone to this Bar & Grille to eat and catch up, and before we knew it, it was almost midnight. I was staying with Toby a few blocks from where we were, so I told Miranda that I didn't need a cab or a ride, hugged her goodbye, and started back to Toby's.

Having grown up in California and gone on frequent trips to LA, cities didn't intimidate me. I've always liked a sort of...hustle-and-bustle atmosphere. Not unlike in the White House.

If I lived in Qumar, I'd be dead. Not just because I'd mouth off, though that too, to be sure. I would've been stoned to death. By my own father and brothers. Like a murderer in the Old West or a runaway slave or something.

Only what crime had **I** committed? What did I do that merits death in some places?

As if the act itself isn't horrible enough.

At least here, there's the **illusion** of justice. He went to jail and is staying there at least long enough to give me the slightest amount of piece-of-mind...'course by now he's probably out because we don't have stronger statutes, but that's another tirade I'll be making soon.

I laid in that alley for a long time, shaking, unable to move, unable to think. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I dragged myself to my feet and started, slow and broken, back to Toby's apartment a block away.

I felt every pair of eyes. Not that there were many of them - most people weren't so naïve and stupid; they didn't walk alone at 12:30 or so in the morning.

I literally collapsed on his couch when I got there. He opened the door and got all worried and asked what happened. I walked about three steps into the apartment before I fell onto the couch, trembling and sobbing.

As long as I live, I don't think I'll ever be able to forget that night - Toby sitting on the floor beside me while I huddled on the sofa under a mount of blankets, shivering, trying to understand how it could be so cold and dark in the Spring.


End file.
